Hot Child in the City

Are the teens in this day dressed like thirty-something year old women or are we trying to look like teenagers? One of us is ordering Dom Perignon while another is tooling around the town on a scooter. When you're a teenager (back in my day) all you want to do is buy beer. But once you hit 30, all you want to do is get carded. I wonder, in today's youth-obsessed culture, are the women of my generation growing into mature responsible adults or are we adults going on 13?

After little thought, I was definitely 30+ going on 30+ (haha!). But in a city like ours with its pace and its pressures, sometimes it's important to have a 13 year old moment to remember a simpler time when the best thing in life is just hanging out, listening to records and having fun with your friends in your very own house.

September 3, 2007

Drama Queens

An excerpt from that unwritten book I've not been typing....

One day in a search for unpaid bills, unanswered phone calls, unmet deadlines, you hadn't missed so much as even a teeth cleaning. Life appears to be in order. Soon you realize you're in the throes of an existential crisis. What's wrong? For the first time in your life, you're in a relationship where absolutely nothing is wrong. It's just smooth sailing. Nothing but calm seas and blue horizons as far as the eye can see. You adore each other. You have fun together. You mesh. And it feels really good.

For most, we seem to be used to the hunt and now we're in a relationship that effortless. Maybe we're just not used to being with someone who doesn't do the ever so seductive withholding dance. When things come too easy, we're suspect. Do they have to get complicated before we believe they're for real? We're raised to believe that the course of true love never runs smoothly. There always has to be obstacles in Act II before you can live happily ever after in Act III. But what happens when the obstacles aren't there? Does this mean there's something missing? Do we need drama to make a relationship work? I should think not. So why can't we get used to the effortless, smooth sailing kind of relationship to which I know there has to be such thing.


August 30, 2007

The Unattainable

In love relationships, there's a fine line between pleasure and pain. In fact, it's a common belief that a relationship without pain is a relationship not worth having. To some, pain implies growth, but how do we know when the growing pains stop and the pain-pains take over? Are we masochists or sadists if we continue to walk that fine line? When it comes to relationships, how do you know when enough is enough? And are we, at times, addicted to pain? With answering that question and depending on the circumstances and the individuals involved, unfortunately the painful answer all too often is yes.

August 9, 2007

***Update***

There's a reason why I have come back to this blog. I have realized that I am a sadist. He might have been the one with the whip, but I was the one who tied myself up. Tied myself up to a man who was terrified of being tied down. Did I love this person or was I addicted to the pain? The exquisite pain of wanting someone so unattainable? And just like that I had untied myself. I was free...but there was nothing exquisite about it.

September 10, 2007

Take Me Out To The Ball Game

When you live in a city like San Antonio the odds of bumping into the one that broke your heart is incredibly high. The odds of bumping into him when you look like shit are even higher. After a breakup certain streets, locations, even times of day are off limits. The city becomes a deserted battlefield loaded with emotional landmines. You have to be very careful where you step or you could be blown into pieces.

Reference the title of this blog, I couldn't help but wonder about my stats. Countless dates, five real relationships all ending in break-ups. If I were a ball player, I'd be batting uh, whatever is really bad. Are you supposed to get over a ex in a slow painful way or should we just ignore all the bad feelings and throw ourselves back in the game?

In a world where leaving each other is all the more frequent, what are the break-up rules? Break-up Rule 1: Destroy all pictures where he looks sexy and you look happy. Break-up Rule 2: Until emotionally stabilized, enter no stores! Break-up Rule 3: Never (which is a very big word) stop thinking about him for a moment because that's the moment he will appear. And finally the most important break-up rule, no matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal, you'll never get through it without your friends.

July 22, 2007

Secret Sex

How many of us out there are having sex with people that we are ashamed to introduce to our friends and/or family? Is secret sex the ultimate form of intimacy since it existed in a pure state exempt from the judgment of the world or is it just another way in which we deny our feelings and emotionally compartmentalize our lives?

Have you ever felt like you were in a niche? Certain events? Certain restaurants? Certain people? Like you were a particular fragment of the kind of person someone thinks they should be dating versus secret sex?


July 11, 2007

Twenty-Somethings

Are they scattered and unfocused? I guess at that age they always know the important "B" people. Busboys, bouncers and bartenders.

Men in their 40s are like the Sunday crossword puzzle. Tricky, complicated and you're never really sure you got the right answer.

Are men in their 20s the new designer drug? Older women are attracted to them for various reasons but I can't help what they see in us. What's really going on here is S-E-X. Good old fashion, eager to please, do what I tell you to do Eagle Scout sex.

OK. So you wake up wanting more or maybe not. In the morning light things look completely different. Candles from Urban Outfitter, dirty laundry strewn all over the place, an empty pizza box and the dreaded...no toilet paper. Suddenly reality hits. You're in a 20-somethings apartment! Every fiber in your body is telling you "You're too old for this! Get out!"

This is an interesting chapter in ones life, the 40-something life. Outgrowing the boys of the past and not quite grown into the men of the future. Undoubtedly men are like drugs. At times they can bring you down and at other times they can get you so high.


June 27, 2007

"Poor Single You" Looks. Loser, Leper, Whore!

Why does a 30-40 something single female, never married, no children, considered or thought of as possibly gay? When does single translate into being gay?

Why don't I like being single? Family functions when you're the only one that's not married and they sit you at the kids table or when two people eat off of the same fork, awww. Another time I dislike being single is when married friends and friends in general "surprise" fix you up or in the term that I use "pimp" you out.

Sifting through the rubble of my marriage skirmish, I had a thought. Are married people the enemy? Is there a single cold war between married and single? Maybe the fight between the married and single is like the war in Northern Ireland. They were all basically the same but somehow wound up on different sides. Maybe the cold war isn't about hate. Maybe it's about fear, fear of the unknown. Married people don't hate singles. They just want us figured out.

It's circumstantial that I'm single.



June 26, 2007
2:27 pm

When Being Correct is Incorrect....

Always finding fault with others can be very tiring and damaging. Stop seething over how right you are and focus instead on having a good time.

How can the words "extraordinary" woman, be used in the same sentence as "you suck"?

June 5, 2007

The Mysteries of Love and Lust

Across the room you see a handsome stranger. He smiles. You smile. Before you know it, you've fallen. Over the next few weeks he explodes into your world. Friends and family are demoted. You think about him constantly. You in a delirious state. Except, that is, when you're plunged into despair because he forgets to call.

Why does one handsome stranger make your heart pound while another leaves you cold?

Such a mystery which is just as bewildering as trying to read between the lines.

May 17, 2007

Dare To Be Different

Somebody doesn't like you? Good. No one ever made an impact on the world without standing out from the crowd. So embrace your unique qualities. They're what makes you unforgettable.

Most of us are afraid to be controversial or even to be intensely who we are. We're like lemonade with too much water in it and too few lemons. We dilute our "flavor" so we won't offend anyone. And in the process we give away our power, the essence of who we are that makes us unique and unforgettable.

The world belongs not to the one who fits in but to the one who stands out. In music, art, entertainment, business, etc., it's the maverick, the one who gets "carried away", who wins the day. OK, so you may not want to rule the world, but to get whatever it is you do want, the principle is the same...be unabashedly yourself.


May 17, 2007