New History

We live in a world of constant progress and forward motion. Stand still for a second and you'll get left behind. As hard as we try to move forward, as tempting as it is to never look back, the past always comes back to bite us in the ass. As history shows us again and again, those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it. Sometimes the past is something you just can't let go of and sometimes the past is something we'll do anything to forget. And there's times we learn something new about the past that changes everything we know about the present.

Myths and Relationships

Do modern-day singles need modern day myths just so they can date? Heroes, boyfriends, cyclops and divorced guys. Are they really that different? The primitive Greeks clung desperately to myths to explain the random hopeless of their, at times, miserable lives. Do modern-day singles need modern-day myths just to help us get through our random and sometimes miserable relationships? Are we willing to believe anything to date?

In every myth there comes a time when mere mortals are given a test. The way they respond usually determines whether they find paradise or find themselves tied to a big rock for all eternity. In turn, I feel at some point my mystified myths and relationships will become real as I don't want to be tied to a big rock for all eternity.

August 16, 2007

What Are You Waiting For?

You have what it takes to change your life or even your world. So what's stopping you? Quit making excuses and embrace your power. Life could pass you by while you wait for just the right time.

Imagine having the power to step forward and change anything we want to change; to have a point of view, stand up firmly for it and be strong. Sounds simple and yet the most confident among us give away that power from time to time. It's not because we're weak or because our courage fails us; it's because we don't know how strong we really are. Even if we get a glimmer of our true grit, we back off.

When the opportunity presents itself, take it!

September 5, 2007

Defining Moments

The Eskimo have hundreds of words for "snow." And we've invented three times that many words for "relationship." But the more words we invent, the harder it becomes to define things. In a world where you can date without sex, screw without dating and in the end keep most of your sex partners as friends long after the screwing is over, what really defines a relationship?

Maybe what ultimately defines a relationship is another relationship.

September 4, 2007

Soul Mates

Soul mate. Two little words. One big concept. A belief that someone, somewhere is holding the key to your heart. All you have to do is find them. So, where is this person? And if you loved someone and it didn't work out, does that mean they weren't ever your soul mate? Were they just a runner up contestant in this game show called Happily Ever After? And as you move from age box to age box on a dating service application and the contestants get fewer and fewer, are your chances of finding your soul mate less and less? 

As I sit here alone thinking and writing, I start to feel really sad. I dislike myself for saying this but it felt really sad not to have a man in my life who genuinely cares about me. No special person to wish me happy birthday. No special person to rescue me when I need to be rescued. No damn soul mate and I don't even know if I believe in soul mates.
Soul mates. Reality or torture device?

September 3, 2007

What Goes Around Comes Around

While I always ascribe thoughts about karma to the Fortune Cookie School of Psychology, does a string of bad dates equal one good one and will treating someone badly in one relationship insure that you will be treated badly in the next? Does everything that goes around really come around? And if so, will it come around to bite you in the ass? Is there a thing as "relationship karma?"

The universe may not always play fair, but at least its got a sense of humor.

September 3, 2007

Hot Child in the City

Are the teens in this day dressed like thirty-something year old women or are we trying to look like teenagers? One of us is ordering Dom Perignon while another is tooling around the town on a scooter. When you're a teenager (back in my day) all you want to do is buy beer. But once you hit 30, all you want to do is get carded. I wonder, in today's youth-obsessed culture, are the women of my generation growing into mature responsible adults or are we adults going on 13?

After little thought, I was definitely 30+ going on 30+ (haha!). But in a city like ours with its pace and its pressures, sometimes it's important to have a 13 year old moment to remember a simpler time when the best thing in life is just hanging out, listening to records and having fun with your friends in your very own house.

September 3, 2007
SATC

Drama Queens

An excerpt from that unwritten book I've not been typing....

One day in a search for unpaid bills, unanswered phone calls, unmet deadlines, you hadn't missed so much as even a teeth cleaning. Life appears to be in order. Soon you realize you're in the throes of an existential crisis. What's wrong? For the first time in your life, you're in a relationship where absolutely nothing is wrong. It's just smooth sailing. Nothing but calm seas and blue horizons as far as the eye can see. You adore each other. You have fun together. You mesh. And it feels really good.

For most, we seem to be used to the hunt and now we're in a relationship that effortless. Maybe we're just not used to being with someone who doesn't do the ever so seductive withholding dance. When things come too easy, we're suspect. Do they have to get complicated before we believe they're for real? We're raised to believe that the course of true love never runs smoothly. There always has to be obstacles in Act II before you can live happily ever after in Act III. But what happens when the obstacles aren't there? Does this mean there's something missing? Do we need drama to make a relationship work? I should think not. So why can't we get used to the effortless, smooth sailing kind of relationship to which I know there has to be such thing.


August 30, 2007

The Unattainable

In love relationships, there's a fine line between pleasure and pain. In fact, it's a common belief that a relationship without pain is a relationship not worth having. To some, pain implies growth, but how do we know when the growing pains stop and the pain-pains take over? Are we masochists or sadists if we continue to walk that fine line? When it comes to relationships, how do you know when enough is enough? And are we, at times, addicted to pain? With answering that question and depending on the circumstances and the individuals involved, unfortunately the painful answer all too often is yes.

August 9, 2007

***Update***

There's a reason why I have come back to this blog. I have realized that I am a sadist. He might have been the one with the whip, but I was the one who tied myself up. Tied myself up to a man who was terrified of being tied down. Did I love this person or was I addicted to the pain? The exquisite pain of wanting someone so unattainable? And just like that I had untied myself. I was free...but there was nothing exquisite about it.

September 10, 2007

Take Me Out To The Ball Game

When you live in a city like San Antonio the odds of bumping into the one that broke your heart is incredibly high. The odds of bumping into him when you look like shit are even higher. After a breakup certain streets, locations, even times of day are off limits. The city becomes a deserted battlefield loaded with emotional landmines. You have to be very careful where you step or you could be blown into pieces.
Reference the title of this blog, I couldn't help but wonder about my stats. Countless dates, five real relationships all ending in break-ups. If I were a ball player, I'd be batting uh, whatever is really bad. Are you supposed to get over a ex in a slow painful way or should we just ignore all the bad feelings and throw ourselves back in the game?
In a world where leaving each other is all the more frequent, what are the break-up rules? Break-up Rule 1: Destroy all pictures where he looks sexy and you look happy. Break-up Rule 2: Until emotionally stabilized, enter no stores! Break-up Rule 3: Never (which is a very big word) stop thinking about him for a moment because that's the moment he will appear. And finally the most important break-up rule, no matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal, you'll never get through it without your friends.

July 22, 2007
SATC

Secret Sex

How many of us out there are having sex with people that we are ashamed to introduce to our friends and/or family? Is secret sex the ultimate form of intimacy since it existed in a pure state exempt from the judgment of the world or is it just another way in which we deny our feelings and emotionally compartmentalize our lives?

Have you ever felt like you were in a niche? Certain events? Certain restaurants? Certain people? Like you were a particular fragment of the kind of person someone thinks they should be dating versus secret sex?


July 11, 2007

Twenty-Somethings

Are they scattered and unfocused? I guess at that age they always know the important "B" people. Busboys, bouncers and bartenders.

Men in their 40s are like the Sunday crossword puzzle. Tricky, complicated and you're never really sure you got the right answer.

Are men in their 20s the new designer drug? Older women are attracted to them for various reasons but I can't help what they see in us. What's really going on here is S-E-X. Good old fashion, eager to please, do what I tell you to do Eagle Scout sex.

OK. So you wake up wanting more or maybe not. In the morning light things look completely different. Candles from Urban Outfitter, dirty laundry strewn all over the place, an empty pizza box and the dreaded...no toilet paper. Suddenly reality hits. You're in a 20-somethings apartment! Every fiber in your body is telling you "You're too old for this! Get out!"

This is an interesting chapter in ones life, the 40-something life. Outgrowing the boys of the past and not quite grown into the men of the future. Undoubtedly men are like drugs. At times they can bring you down and at other times they can get you so high. 


SATC





June 27, 2007

"Poor Single You" Looks. Loser, Leper, Whore!

Why does a 30-40 something single female, never married, no children, considered or thought of as possibly gay? When does single translate into being gay?

Why don't I like being single? Family functions when you're the only one that's not married and they sit you at the kids table or when two people eat off of the same fork, awww. Another time I dislike being single is when married friends and friends in general "surprise" fix you up or in the term that I use "pimp" you out.

Sifting through the rubble of my marriage skirmish, I had a thought. Are married people the enemy? Is there a single cold war between married and single? Maybe the fight between the married and single is like the war in Northern Ireland. They were all basically the same but somehow wound up on different sides. Maybe the cold war isn't about hate. Maybe it's about fear, fear of the unknown. Married people don't hate singles. They just want us figured out.

It's circumstantial that I'm single.






June 26, 2007
2:27 pm
SATC

When Being Correct is Incorrect....

Always finding fault with others can be very tiring and damaging. Stop seething over how right you are and focus instead on having a good time.

How can the words "extraordinary" woman, be used in the same sentence as "you suck"?

June 5, 2007

The Mysteries of Love and Lust

Across the room you see a handsome stranger. He smiles. You smile. Before you know it, you've fallen. Over the next few weeks he explodes into your world. Friends and family are demoted. You think about him constantly. You in a delirious state. Except, that is, when you're plunged into despair because he forgets to call.

Why does one handsome stranger make your heart pound while another leaves you cold?

Such a mystery which is just as bewildering as trying to read between the lines.

May 17, 2007

Dare To Be Different

Somebody doesn't like you? Good. No one ever made an impact on the world without standing out from the crowd. So embrace your unique qualities. They're what makes you unforgettable.

Most of us are afraid to be controversial or even to be intensely who we are. We're like lemonade with too much water in it and too few lemons. We dilute our "flavor" so we won't offend anyone. And in the process we give away our power, the essence of who we are that makes us unique and unforgettable.

The world belongs not to the one who fits in but to the one who stands out. In music, art, entertainment, business, etc., it's the maverick, the one who gets "carried away", who wins the day. OK, so you may not want to rule the world, but to get whatever it is you do want, the principle is the same...be unabashedly yourself.


May 17, 2007

The First Kiss

For the first kiss to be really good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips finally touch, you feel it every where. A kiss so hot, so deep, you never want to come up for air.

You can't cheat that first kiss.....




May 6, 2007