Cry Wolf Part II

There will come a time in your life when you feel utterly and completely alone.  No prospects of rescue from the loneliness.

They say instinctively animals remember their way back home.  Maybe it's a sense of smell or place or memory.   We are more fragile.  In an instant our memories can become shadows.  The distance between ourselves and the ones we love can begin to seem insurmountable.  All some of us can do is to stay close to home and hope that we will not be forgotten.  But in the end, remembering is not entirely up to us, neither is coming home.

Cry Wolf

Commitment is complicated.  When times get a little hairy, we have to decide should we stay or should we go.  Animals have instincts about these things, fight or flight, but human relationships are more complex.  How do we know when to give up the fight?  

Faced with a choice between fleeing or fighting, sometimes even the strongest of us run.  Animal instincts serve animals well, but we're human and we make mistakes.  For the lone wolves among us, self-preservation is easy because they're not trying to preserve a relationship.  Unlike animals, most of us have emotions clouding our vision.  We want to look out not just for ourselves, but for each other.  Until we realize in the end, human or animal, we are all alone ans we will have to fight for ourselves.

Forever Young

 
There comes a point in our life when we're officially an adult.  Suddenly we're old enough to vote, drink and engage in other adult activities.  Suddenly people expect us to be responsible, serious and grown-up.  We get taller.  We get older, but do we ever really grow up?

In some ways we grow up.  We get married.  We have families.  We get divorced.  But for the most part we can still have the same problems that we did when we were 15.  No matter how much we grow taller, grow older, we are still forever stumbling, forever wondering...forever young. 

The Past

Life would be so good if we could just freeze moments in time.  The time when we were happy, when we knew we were loved, but we can't.  Instead we find ourselves retracing footsteps that may have washed away.  We fight to remember our connections even as time wipes our slate clean.  We strive to make new connections that we hope time will indulge.  When communication fails, words remain behind.  Proof that we're here, that we mattered, that someone cared.  In the end, the past may be all we have.

Patience

It's a hard thing - patience.  But when something means enough to you, whether you're waiting to regain your past or start your future, patience is critical.  So what, in your life, is worth waiting for?

They say patience is a virtue and like most virtues, we never now if we possess it until it's been tested.  If we're lucky, we have someone to take that test with us and if we can pass that test, if we can wait long enough, we just might find the reward greater than we ever expected.

The funny thing about waiting is it always seems the more we want something the longer we have to wait for it.  Deciding to wait out the long haul shouldn't be taken lightly, but it's an easier decision to live with than others.

 

Man

In the beginning God created the Heaven and the Earth, at least that's what they say.  He created the birds of the air and the beasts of the field and he looked at this creation and he saw that it was good.  And then God created man and it's been downhill ever since.  The story goes on to say that God created man in his own image but there's not much proof of that.  After all, God made the sun, the moon and the stars and all man makes is trouble...and when man finds himself in trouble, which is most of the time, he turns to something bigger than himself to love or fate or religion to make sense of it all.  Bitter?  No.  Confused?  When it comes to man, absofuckinglutely.  And man says they don't understand woman?

Regret: Past, Present, Future

Regret is a funny thing.  You try your best in life to avoid it but sometimes it's the hard things in life that teach us the most, which makes you wonder, if given a chance, how many of us would do things differently?

For some, regret is the very thing that helps us push past our fear and move into the future.  For others it's the thing that allows us to re-explore our past.  At its best regret can be the catalyst for new beginnings where anything and everything is still possible.

The Wizard of Oz

Movie magic.  There's something about sitting in a dark theater that lets you escape the reality of your own life and live in the fantasy of someone else's story.  What if the cameras were turned on you?  In the movie of your life do you like what you see? 

We all love to lose ourselves in a good movie.  When I was a girl I loved the Wizard of Oz especially the moment when Dorothy opens the door into that fantastic world.  But once Dorothy appreciated how bright and beautiful everything was, she realized she had a bit of a mess on her hands.  One of the classic examples of "be careful what you wish for".  Spend five minutes in a fantasy and you just might find yourself wishing your old life back.  We miss what's right in front of us when we're busy looking over the rainbow.  Sometimes it takes stepping into someone else's world to realize how much you love the life you have.  No matter how magical the movies are, at the end of the day there's no place like home. 

Dream a Little Dream

We all remember the bedtime stories of our childhood.  The shoe fits Cinderella.  The frog turns into a prince.  Sleeping Beauty is awakened with a kiss.  Once upon a time and then they lived happily ever after.  Fairy tales - the stories of dreams.  The problem with fairy tales is that they don't come true.  It's the other stories, the ones that begin with dark and stormy nights and end in the unspeakable.  It's the nightmares that always seem to be reality.  The person that invented the phrase "happily ever after" should have their ass kicked!

Once upon a time, happily ever after - the stories we tell are the stuff of dreams that don't come true.  Reality is much stormier, much murkier, much scarier.  Reality - it's so much more interesting than living happily ever after for it's the obstacle of hallucinations.

Avoid Dating a Sociopath

Sociopaths are common in today's dating scene. You may even be dating one right now! According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSMMD) a sociopath is "a person with a psychopathic personality who's behavior is antisocial and who lacks a sense or moral responsibility or social conscience." But how does sociopath behavior manifest itself?

1. Sociopaths lie....A LOT. They're usually very believable liars and rarely tell the truth. They aren't concerned with what's real or truthful and that makes it easier for them to deceive you.
2. Sociopaths lack remorse or guilt. They don't have empathy for other people's feelings. They don't take responsibility for their actions or accept blame.
3. Sociopaths are incapable of feeling real love. Because sociopaths make more enemies than friends, they don't give or receive love easily. Their deceit usually runs in their relationships.
4. Sociopaths are irresponsible. They're usually unreliable and often oblivious to the harm or disappointment they cause others.
5. Sociopaths are impulsive. They often exhibit behaviors of promiscuity, infidelity, alcohol abuse, yada, yada.

Are you dating a sociopath?

Happy People

It's a common belief that positive thinking leads to a happier healthier life. As children we're told to smile and be cheerful and put on a happy face. As adults we're told to look on the bright side, to make lemonade and see glasses as half full. Sometimes reality can get in the way of our ability to act the happy part. Your health can fail, boyfriends can cheat, friends can disappoint. It's in these moments when you just want to get real, drop the act and be your true scared unhappy self. Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer's simple...to be happy. Maybe it's this expectation of wanting to be happy that just keeps us from ever getting there. Maybe the more we try and will ourselves to states of bliss, the more confused we get to the point where we don't recognize ourselves. Instead we just keep smiling trying like hell to be the happy people we wish we were, until eventually it hits us. It's been there all along. Not in our dreams and hopes but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar....

New History

We live in a world of constant progress and forward motion. Stand still for a second and you'll get left behind. As hard as we try to move forward, as tempting as it is to never look back, the past always comes back to bite us in the ass. As history shows us again and again, those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it. Sometimes the past is something you just can't let go of and sometimes the past is something we'll do anything to forget. And there's times we learn something new about the past that changes everything we know about the present.

Myths and Relationships

Do modern-day singles need modern day myths just so they can date? Heroes, boyfriends, cyclops and divorced guys. Are they really that different? The primitive Greeks clung desperately to myths to explain the random hopeless of their, at times, miserable lives. Do modern-day singles need modern-day myths just to help us get through our random and sometimes miserable relationships? Are we willing to believe anything to date?

In every myth there comes a time when mere mortals are given a test. The way they respond usually determines whether they find paradise or find themselves tied to a big rock for all eternity. In turn, I feel at some point my mystified myths and relationships will become real as I don't want to be tied to a big rock for all eternity.

August 16, 2007

What Are You Waiting For?

You have what it takes to change your life or even your world. So what's stopping you? Quit making excuses and embrace your power. Life could pass you by while you wait for just the right time.

Imagine having the power to step forward and change anything we want to change; to have a point of view, stand up firmly for it and be strong. Sounds simple and yet the most confident among us give away that power from time to time. It's not because we're weak or because our courage fails us; it's because we don't know how strong we really are. Even if we get a glimmer of our true grit, we back off.

When the opportunity presents itself, take it!

September 5, 2007

Defining Moments

The Eskimo have hundreds of words for "snow." And we've invented three times that many words for "relationship." But the more words we invent, the harder it becomes to define things. In a world where you can date without sex, screw without dating and in the end keep most of your sex partners as friends long after the screwing is over, what really defines a relationship?

Maybe what ultimately defines a relationship is another relationship.

September 4, 2007

Soul Mates

Soul mate. Two little words. One big concept. A belief that someone, somewhere is holding the key to your heart. All you have to do is find them. So, where is this person? And if you loved someone and it didn't work out, does that mean they weren't ever your soul mate? Were they just a runner up contestant in this game show called Happily Ever After? And as you move from age box to age box on a dating service application and the contestants get fewer and fewer, are your chances of finding your soul mate less and less? 

As I sit here alone thinking and writing, I start to feel really sad. I dislike myself for saying this but it felt really sad not to have a man in my life who genuinely cares about me. No special person to wish me happy birthday. No special person to rescue me when I need to be rescued. No damn soul mate and I don't even know if I believe in soul mates.
Soul mates. Reality or torture device?

September 3, 2007

What Goes Around Comes Around

While I always ascribe thoughts about karma to the Fortune Cookie School of Psychology, does a string of bad dates equal one good one and will treating someone badly in one relationship insure that you will be treated badly in the next? Does everything that goes around really come around? And if so, will it come around to bite you in the ass? Is there a thing as "relationship karma?"

The universe may not always play fair, but at least its got a sense of humor.

September 3, 2007

Hot Child in the City

Are the teens in this day dressed like thirty-something year old women or are we trying to look like teenagers? One of us is ordering Dom Perignon while another is tooling around the town on a scooter. When you're a teenager (back in my day) all you want to do is buy beer. But once you hit 30, all you want to do is get carded. I wonder, in today's youth-obsessed culture, are the women of my generation growing into mature responsible adults or are we adults going on 13?

After little thought, I was definitely 30+ going on 30+ (haha!). But in a city like ours with its pace and its pressures, sometimes it's important to have a 13 year old moment to remember a simpler time when the best thing in life is just hanging out, listening to records and having fun with your friends in your very own house.

September 3, 2007
SATC

Drama Queens

An excerpt from that unwritten book I've not been typing....

One day in a search for unpaid bills, unanswered phone calls, unmet deadlines, you hadn't missed so much as even a teeth cleaning. Life appears to be in order. Soon you realize you're in the throes of an existential crisis. What's wrong? For the first time in your life, you're in a relationship where absolutely nothing is wrong. It's just smooth sailing. Nothing but calm seas and blue horizons as far as the eye can see. You adore each other. You have fun together. You mesh. And it feels really good.

For most, we seem to be used to the hunt and now we're in a relationship that effortless. Maybe we're just not used to being with someone who doesn't do the ever so seductive withholding dance. When things come too easy, we're suspect. Do they have to get complicated before we believe they're for real? We're raised to believe that the course of true love never runs smoothly. There always has to be obstacles in Act II before you can live happily ever after in Act III. But what happens when the obstacles aren't there? Does this mean there's something missing? Do we need drama to make a relationship work? I should think not. So why can't we get used to the effortless, smooth sailing kind of relationship to which I know there has to be such thing.


August 30, 2007